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9% Of Dog, Cat Owners Write Pets Into Their Wills

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Good Guy With Gun, Bad Guy With Gun Both Excited To Unload Firearm In Crowd Outside Arena

CLEVELAND—As each of them looked around at the people gathered outside Quicken Loans Arena and fantasized about unholstering their weapon and taking aim directly at others, both a good guy with a gun and a bad guy with a gun attending the Republican National Convention reportedly worked themselves into a heightened state of excitement Thursday at the thought of unloading their firearm into the crowd.

Bob Dole Picked Off By Large Hawk Circling Arena Parking Lot

CLEVELAND—Describing how the bird of prey suddenly dived down from the sky at high velocity, sources confirmed Thursday that former GOP presidential nominee Bob Dole was picked off by a large red-tailed hawk circling above the Quicken Loans Arena parking lot.
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9% Of Dog, Cat Owners Write Pets Into Their Wills

A survey from the American Pet Products Association found that, as of 2012, 9 percent of both cat and dog owners had made financial arrangements in their wills to provide for their pets after their deaths. What do you think?

  • “Yeah, I put my dog in my will, but it was mostly as a ‘fuck you’ to my kids.”

    Tony Darden Unemployed
  • “Would my dog have to sign the contract with an adorable paw print?”

    Marjorie Petty Makeup Artist
  • “Miss Precious knows she isn’t getting anything.”

    Esther Ziffren Helicopter Mechanic

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