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Best Sports Video Games Of All Time

With titles such as ‘FIFA 17’ and ’NBA 2K17’ expected to be popular gifts this holiday season, Onion Sports looks back on some of the best sports video games of all time.

Can Trump Follow Through On His Campaign Promises?

President-elect Donald Trump made a variety of lofty promises during his campaign as part of a pledge to “make America great again.” The Onion looks at several of these promises and evaluates whether Trump will be willing or able to follow through on them.
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A Female Dolphin President?

Sen. E'eek Finback (D-AO) has already emerged as a frontrunner for the 2057 Democratic presidential nomination, but some say America isn't ready for a female dolphin in the White House. What do you think?
  • "I have nothing but respect for members of the Delphinidae family, but a female dolphin's place is in the sea, raising her calves."

    Jim Hansen Prime Meta-metallurgist
  • "Sen. Finback has nothing new to add to the national discourse. Frankly, she's just blowing hot air and saltwater mist."

    Sol Gundam Gay-Divorce Lawyer
  • "Well, former president Koko has already signed off on her, saying, 'Dolphin yes woman good give banana now dolphin yes.'"

    Edwin Gaines Syndicator
  • "Do you think E'eek would be doing so well if she were a squat-bodied Pacific white-side dolphin instead of a cute bottlenose? I seriously doubt it."

    Tammy Lester DNA Archivist
  • "I find her background inspiring. Do you know she was caught in a tuna net at the age of six months, only to graduate magna cum laude from Harvard Law School 12 years later?"

    Jim Hansen II Hypermarketer
  • "Tk-tkk-tk-tkik-tik! USA! USA! USA! Tk-tik-tkkk!"

    P. Wiggles Systems Analyst

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