A Female Dolphin President?

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Area Dad Thinks Refs Should Just Let Them Play Football

DOYLESTOWN, PA—Facetiously questioning how the game had suddenly become a non-contact sport, local father Aaron Harper confirmed his belief Thursday that referees officiating a Thanksgiving game between the Philadelphia Eagles and Detroit Lions should just let them play football out there.
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A Female Dolphin President?

Sen. E'eek Finback (D-AO) has already emerged as a frontrunner for the 2057 Democratic presidential nomination, but some say America isn't ready for a female dolphin in the White House. What do you think?
  • "I have nothing but respect for members of the Delphinidae family, but a female dolphin's place is in the sea, raising her calves."

    Jim Hansen Prime
  • "Sen. Finback has nothing new to add to the national discourse. Frankly, she's just blowing hot air and saltwater mist."

    Sol Gundam
    Gay-Divorce Lawyer
  • "Well, former president Koko has already signed off on her, saying, 'Dolphin yes woman good give banana now dolphin yes.'"

    Edwin Gaines
  • "Do you think E'eek would be doing so well if she were a squat-bodied Pacific white-side dolphin instead of a cute bottlenose? I seriously doubt it."

    Tammy Lester
    DNA Archivist
  • "I find her background inspiring. Do you know she was caught in a tuna net at the age of six months, only to graduate magna cum laude from Harvard Law School 12 years later?"

    Jim Hansen II
  • "Tk-tkk-tk-tkik-tik! USA! USA! USA! Tk-tik-tkkk!"

    P. Wiggles
    Systems Analyst