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A Primer On The Dark Web

With many crimes now originating on encrypted areas of the internet, many wonder about the so-called dark web and its activities. The Onion provides a primer on this obscured digital space:

Woman Conducting Ongoing Scientific Experiment On Own Skin

DULUTH, MN—Noting her methodic applications of various chemical agents in carefully controlled combinations, sources confirmed Wednesday that local woman Sara Holloway has been carrying out an open-ended scientific experiment on her own skin.
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A Nation Of Prisoners

According to a recent Justice Department report, the number of jailed Americans more than doubled over the past 12 years, and the U.S. could soon pass Russia as the nation with the highest rate of imprisonment. What do you think about America's soaring prison population?
  • "I don't understand how the prison population has boomed. I mean, I know those guys screw all the time, but they can't get pregnant that way, can they?"

    John Montefusco Cab Driver
  • "For years, I've been calling for the construction of an interdimensional Phantom Zone to deal with this overcrowding problem."

    Omar Minton Prep Cook
  • "As CEO of Amalgamated Tin Cups & Orange Fabric, I say hooray!"

    Diane Ivie CEO
  • "There are far too many people in prison. Obviously, this country doesn't have enough high-profile defense attorneys."

    Helen Metzger Systems Analyst
  • "Shockingly, a full 40 percent of U.S. prisoners are incarcerated on marijuana-possession charges. You don't expect us to just let these fiends go, do you?"

    David Halicki Investment Banker
  • "I have only one question: How will this affect the Internet?"

    Dennis Herndon Magazine Editor
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