A Nation Of Prisoners

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Area Dad Thinks Refs Should Just Let Them Play Football

DOYLESTOWN, PA—Facetiously questioning how the game had suddenly become a non-contact sport, local father Aaron Harper confirmed his belief Thursday that referees officiating a Thanksgiving game between the Philadelphia Eagles and Detroit Lions should just let them play football out there.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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A Nation Of Prisoners

According to a recent Justice Department report, the number of jailed Americans more than doubled over the past 12 years, and the U.S. could soon pass Russia as the nation with the highest rate of imprisonment. What do you think about America's soaring prison population?
  • "I don't understand how the prison population has boomed. I mean, I know those guys screw all the time, but they can't get pregnant that way, can they?"

    John Montefusco
    Cab Driver
  • "For years, I've been calling for the construction of an interdimensional Phantom Zone to deal with this overcrowding problem."

    Omar Minton
    Prep Cook
  • "As CEO of Amalgamated Tin Cups & Orange Fabric, I say hooray!"

    Diane Ivie
  • "There are far too many people in prison. Obviously, this country doesn't have enough high-profile defense attorneys."

    Helen Metzger
    Systems Analyst
  • "Shockingly, a full 40 percent of U.S. prisoners are incarcerated on marijuana-possession charges. You don't expect us to just let these fiends go, do you?"

    David Halicki
    Investment Banker
  • "I have only one question: How will this affect the Internet?"

    Dennis Herndon
    Magazine Editor