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A Polarized Nation

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360 Tour: Inside The RNC

The Onion invites you to explore our view from the floor of the 2016 Republican National Convention in Cleveland.

Good Guy With Gun, Bad Guy With Gun Both Excited To Unload Firearm In Crowd Outside Arena

CLEVELAND—As each of them looked around at the people gathered outside Quicken Loans Arena and fantasized about unholstering their weapon and taking aim directly at others, both a good guy with a gun and a bad guy with a gun attending the Republican National Convention reportedly worked themselves into a heightened state of excitement Thursday at the thought of unloading their firearm into the crowd.

Bob Dole Picked Off By Large Hawk Circling Arena Parking Lot

CLEVELAND—Describing how the bird of prey suddenly dived down from the sky at high velocity, sources confirmed Thursday that former GOP presidential nominee Bob Dole was picked off by a large red-tailed hawk circling above the Quicken Loans Arena parking lot.
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A Polarized Nation

Many people say the nation became even more politically polarized in 2004. What do you think?
  • "Come on. The nation hasn't experienced a moment of unity in decades, except for the 'who shot J.R.?' craze and those two weeks in September 2001."

    Cory Shade Parking Attendant
  • "Yeah. Sheesh—women!"

    Frankin Stedder Director
  • "Our nation will never be healed so long as those redneck rubes in flyover land refuse to listen to reason, and continue to vote for who they want."

    Duane Segar Systems Analyst
  • "Yes, the rift between the left-leaning centrist moderate Republicans and the right-leaning ultra conservative Republicans grows ever wider."

    Karen Anderson Cellist
  • "I got this funny e-mail about the red and blue states. I can't remember exactly what it said, but it was funny in that poignant sort of way."

    Tom Knight Plumbers Assistant
  • "Polarized sounds like one of those fancy liberal words. Why don't you just say 'right' and 'wrong'?"

    Jill Karls Nurse

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