A Polarized Nation

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‘SportsCenter’ Co-Anchors Clearly Dating

BRISTOL, CT—Saying that the pair could barely take their eyes off one another throughout the hour-long sports news program, ESPN viewers told reporters Friday that it is increasingly clear SportsCenter anchors John Anderson and Matt Barrie are currently dating.

Terrifying Uniformed Bachelorette Party Storms Local Bar

TACOMA, WA—Bursting into the establishment seemingly out of nowhere and overtaking it within a matter of moments, a terrifying uniformed bachelorette party stormed local pub Casey’s Saloon Friday night, onlookers reported.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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  • Doctors Recommend Getting 8 Centuries Of Cryosleep

    STANFORD, CA—Claiming that the practice is essential for effectively recharging the body and waking fully rested and alert, doctors at Stanford University issued a report Monday emphasizing the importance of getting at least eight centuries of atomi...

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A Polarized Nation

Many people say the nation became even more politically polarized in 2004. What do you think?
  • "Come on. The nation hasn't experienced a moment of unity in decades, except for the 'who shot J.R.?' craze and those two weeks in September 2001."

    Cory Shade
    Parking Attendant
  • "Yeah. Sheesh—women!"

    Frankin Stedder
    Director
  • "Our nation will never be healed so long as those redneck rubes in flyover land refuse to listen to reason, and continue to vote for who they want."

    Duane Segar
    Systems Analyst
  • "Yes, the rift between the left-leaning centrist moderate Republicans and the right-leaning ultra conservative Republicans grows ever wider."

    Karen Anderson
    Cellist
  • "I got this funny e-mail about the red and blue states. I can't remember exactly what it said, but it was funny in that poignant sort of way."

    Tom Knight
    Plumbers Assistant
  • "Polarized sounds like one of those fancy liberal words. Why don't you just say 'right' and 'wrong'?"

    Jill Karls
    Nurse
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