A Woman In The White House?

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Fact-Checking The Third Presidential Debate

Presidential nominees Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump sparred over subjects including foreign policy, the economy, and their fitness to hold the nation’s highest office in the final debate Wednesday. The Onion examines the validity of their assertions

Intergalactic Law Enforcement Officers Place Energy Shackles On Hillary Clinton

PARADISE, NV—Materializing through a dimensional portal in front of a stunned audience at the University of Nevada, Las Vegas, intergalactic law enforcement officers reportedly appeared onstage during Wednesday night’s presidential debate and placed a pair of glowing blue energy shackles on Democratic nominee Hillary Clinton.

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WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Responding to his flagging poll numbers and a string of newspaper editorials and cable news pundits questioning his fitness to lead, Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump reportedly complained to a rally crowd Thursday that for the entirety of this race, his personality has been rigged against him.

Fact-Checking The Second Presidential Debate

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Trump Vomits Immediately After Seeing Everyday Americans Up Close

ST. LOUIS—His face turning deathly pale and beads of cold sweat forming on his brow as he took his seat for the town hall forum at Washington University, Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump reportedly vomited directly onto the debate stage Sunday night upon viewing everyday Americans up close.
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A Woman In The White House?

Elizabeth Dole's recent decision to leave the Red Cross is regarded by many as a sign that she will run for president in 2000. What do you think about the prospect of a first-ever female president?
  • "Haven't we learned our lesson about letting a woman into the Oval Office? What if she started giving people blow jobs? It'd be disaster all over again."

    Barry Sims Stockbroker
  • "Bob Dole would make a glamorous First Lady."

    Emily Weston Insurance Agent
  • "I warned this would happen if we gave women the vote. Now they're all drunk with power."

    Oscar Grosz Systems Analyst
  • "Anyone with half a brain knows that women are just as capable of leading as men. Just look what a good job Captain Janeway has done."

    Kathleen Riegert Student
  • "A woman can't be president, because she might get PMS and make bad decisions. Only male presidents can properly control their hormones."

    Sunil Shahpura Cashier
  • "I think there should be a woman in the White House, but not Elizabeth Dole. She's just not hot enough."

    Kevin Dobson Delivery Driver


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