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Politics

Robert Mueller Driving SUV 100 MPH Down Runway As Air Force One Narrowly Lifts Off

PRINCE GEORGE’S COUNTY, MD—Sending a pair of guards scrambling for safety as he gunned his black SUV through a chain-link gate and onto the tarmac, Robert Mueller, the former FBI director who was recently tapped to lead the ongoing investigation into the Trump campaign’s ties to Russia, chased Air Force One down the runway at Joint Base Andrews moments before takeoff, sources reported Tuesday.

Trump Asks Entire Senate To Clear Out Of Chamber So He Can Speak To Comey Alone

WASHINGTON—Entering through a side door and bidding the assembled legislators, congressional aides, and members of the media to give him a moment with the former FBI director, President Donald Trump reportedly asked the entire Senate to clear the chamber during James Comey’s testimony Thursday so he could speak to him alone.

A Timeline Of The Watergate Scandal

With the White House mired in controversy, comparisons to Washington’s most famous scandal have been common, if not always accurate. Forty-five years after the events leading to Nixon’s resignation, The Onion presents a detailed timeline of the Watergate scandal.
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A Woman In The White House?

Elizabeth Dole's recent decision to leave the Red Cross is regarded by many as a sign that she will run for president in 2000. What do you think about the prospect of a first-ever female president?
  • "Haven't we learned our lesson about letting a woman into the Oval Office? What if she started giving people blow jobs? It'd be disaster all over again."

    Barry Sims Stockbroker
  • "Bob Dole would make a glamorous First Lady."

    Emily Weston Insurance Agent
  • "I warned this would happen if we gave women the vote. Now they're all drunk with power."

    Oscar Grosz Systems Analyst
  • "Anyone with half a brain knows that women are just as capable of leading as men. Just look what a good job Captain Janeway has done."

    Kathleen Riegert Student
  • "A woman can't be president, because she might get PMS and make bad decisions. Only male presidents can properly control their hormones."

    Sunil Shahpura Cashier
  • "I think there should be a woman in the White House, but not Elizabeth Dole. She's just not hot enough."

    Kevin Dobson Delivery Driver

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