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Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 31, 2017

Aries: They say there’s nothing quite like the bond between a mother and her child, but then they have yet to see your experimental new adhesive compound. Taurus: The stars, in their infinite wisdom, recommend that you check yourself this week, as not doing so might lead you to wreck yourself in the future.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 24, 2017

Aquarius No offense, but when got into this business, dealing with empty and meaningless futures like yours sure as hell wasn’t what it had in mind. Pisces Though you’ve been told that dressing up once in a while wouldn’t kill you, the coroner’s report this week will contain evidence to the contrary.

How Movies Receive Their Ratings

Many Americans use the MPAA’s formalized rating system as a guide for which films to see. The Onion provides a step-by-step view into how these ratings are chosen:
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A Year Without Movies Or TV?

Hollywood is on edge over potential actors' and writers' strikes next year, which would cripple the television and film industries. What do you think about these looming work stoppages?
  • "My God. Episodes of Titus might have to be rationed to one a month."

    Ben Upchurch Carpet Installer
  • "The commercial actors have been on strike for five months, and just look how the quality has slipped. That new Buick Regal ad is a huge disappointment."

    Robert Anders Systems Analyst
  • "How am I supposed to get by on the hundreds of thousands of movies and TV shows that have already been made?"

    Dana Demuth Librarian
  • "It sickens me that these studio overlords refuse to give in to these poor actors' simple demand for seared foie gras with young arugula and cherry chutney in their catering spreads."

    Ken Watson Auto Mechanic
  • "I was deeply moved when Jenna Elfman stood up on that ABC-sweatshop table holding a 'Union' sign."

    Andrea Leach Speech Pathologist
  • "I'm only supporting the strike because I don't want to get on David Hyde Pierce's bad side."

    Larry Odomes Bond Trader
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Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 24, 2017

Aquarius No offense, but when got into this business, dealing with empty and meaningless futures like yours sure as hell wasn’t what it had in mind. Pisces Though you’ve been told that dressing up once in a while wouldn’t kill you, the coroner’s report this week will contain evidence to the contrary.

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