Abortions In U.S. Fall To Decade Low

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Vol 48 Issue 48

Congress Arrested On Manslaughter Charges

WASHINGTON—In a stunning development that has left every federal institution reeling, the U.S. government’s legislative branch was arrested this afternoon on 23.3 million separate charges of manslaughter, sources confirmed. Citing numerous let...

Congress Arrested On Manslaughter Charges

In a stunning development that has left every federal institution reeling, the U.S. government’s legislative branch was arrested this afternoon on 23.3 million separate charges of manslaughter, sources confirmed.

Reports Of Movie Being Good Reach Area Man

CHICAGO—Local resident Daniel Paxson has reportedly heard dozens of accounts from numerous friendly sources in the past two weeks confirming that the new James Bond film is pretty good.

Nick Moyer

In a private ceremony Thursday night, members of Kappa Delta Psi honored the memory of their recently deceased fraternity brother Nick Moyer by doing what he loved best: drinking a lot of Busch and showing their dicks to one another.

U.N. Votes To Recognize Palestine

Over the strong opposition of the United States and Israel, the U.N. General Assembly voted 138 to 9 to grant the West Bank and Gaza Strip status as a “non-member observer state,” moving one step closer to recognizing Palestinian sovereignty. What do you think?
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Abortions In U.S. Fall To Decade Low

The overall number and rate of abortions in the United States fell 5 percent from 2008 to 2009, the biggest drop in at least a decade, according to the most recent data from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. What do you think?

  • “Aw, but they solve everything!”

    Nikki O’Leary
    Ballistics Expert
  • “No shit. Who wants to have sex with all these fat people?”

    Mike Stocks
    Kick Press Operator
  • “Thanks! This is exactly the kind of interesting conversation starter I needed tonight for my big dinner with my boss and his wife.”

    Doug Saratan
    Account Manager
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