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Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
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Abramoff Gets 70 Months

Corrupt lobbyist Jack Abramoff was sentenced to 70 months in prison for his role in defrauding Indian tribes, tax evasion, and conspiracy to bribe public officials. What do you think?
  • "I'd be psyched to have Abramoff as my cellmate. Imagine the gifts you'd get."

    Rick Simms Systems Analyst
  • "I guess we can expect to see a lot more brown-bag egg-salad sandwiches and Lunchables in Congress."

    Danielle Evans Mayoral Aide
  • "Why are you asking me?! I don't know the guy! Never met him!"

    Todd Cole Phlebotomist
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