Abramoff Gets 70 Months

Top Headlines

Recent News

Department Of Labor Study Confirms Your Job Most Demanding

‘None Of Your Friends Understand How Hard It Is,’ Report Reads

WASHINGTON—Noting that the level of mental strain associated with the profession was far and away the highest recorded, a federal study on workplace conditions and occupational stress released Thursday has confirmed that your job is the most demanding career in the entire nation, and that none of your friends or family fully understand how hard it is.

Neighborhood Starting To Get Too Safe For Family To Afford

CHICAGO—Explaining that the sense of unease she felt walking to and from her home had declined markedly over the years, Humboldt Park resident Kirsten Healy expressed her disappointment to reporters Thursday that her neighborhood was becoming too safe for her family to afford.
End Of Section
  • More News
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Sleep

House and Home

Deadline For Prior User To Remove Clothes From Dryer Extended 5 Minutes

JOHNSON CITY, TN—Upon finding the machine in her apartment building’s laundry room completely untouched since she last stopped by, exasperated local woman Sandra Hermus reportedly mounted all her magnanimity Monday and extended the deadline for the previous user to remove their clothing from the dryer by five minutes.

Abramoff Gets 70 Months

Corrupt lobbyist Jack Abramoff was sentenced to 70 months in prison for his role in defrauding Indian tribes, tax evasion, and conspiracy to bribe public officials. What do you think?
  • "I'd be psyched to have Abramoff as my cellmate. Imagine the gifts you'd get."

    Rick Simms
    Systems Analyst
  • "I guess we can expect to see a lot more brown-bag egg-salad sandwiches and Lunchables in Congress."

    Danielle Evans
    Mayoral Aide
  • "Why are you asking me?! I don't know the guy! Never met him!"

    Todd Cole
    Phlebotomist