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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:
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Abramoff Gets 70 Months

Corrupt lobbyist Jack Abramoff was sentenced to 70 months in prison for his role in defrauding Indian tribes, tax evasion, and conspiracy to bribe public officials. What do you think?
  • "I'd be psyched to have Abramoff as my cellmate. Imagine the gifts you'd get."

    Rick Simms Systems Analyst
  • "I guess we can expect to see a lot more brown-bag egg-salad sandwiches and Lunchables in Congress."

    Danielle Evans Mayoral Aide
  • "Why are you asking me?! I don't know the guy! Never met him!"

    Todd Cole Phlebotomist
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