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‘The Princess Bride’ By The Numbers

‘The Princess Bride’ was released 30 years ago today, and it has since become a classic beloved by people of all ages. ‘The Onion’ looks back at ‘The Princess Bride’ 30 years later.

National Zoo Announces Giant Pandas To Divorce

WASHINGTON—Assuring the public that the decision was difficult but the right thing to do for all parties involved, the Smithsonian National Zoological Park announced Friday that their giant pandas would be divorcing.

New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.
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Acorns Missing In Northeast

In states from Virginia to Maine, oak trees have failed to produce the usual abundance of acorns. What do you think?
  • "Finally, the noble chestnut will get its due respect."

    Charlie Powell Systems Analyst
  • "It's a sad day when I have nothing to write in my acorn diary."

    Wendy Thompson Day Care Owner
  • "It looks as though the revolt of the Maples as foretold by the bard Geddy Lee has finally come to pass."

    Kevin Smerker Plumber

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