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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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ADHD Brains Develop More Slowly

Children and adolescents with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder have been shown to have slower development in certain regions of the brain. What do you think?
  • "However, the regions of the brain in charge of flashing lights and electronic beeping show tremendous advancement."

    Janice Dubie Cardiologist
  • "That's okay, it gives them three years longer to be hyperactive kids. They'll be maladjusted adults for the rest of their lives soon enough."

    Brian Crews Tour Guide
  • "Is that why my son doesn't like girls?"

    Steve Nearing Systems Analyst

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