Ads Defend Carbon Dioxide

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‘SportsCenter’ Co-Anchors Clearly Dating

BRISTOL, CT—Saying that the pair could barely take their eyes off one another throughout the hour-long sports news program, ESPN viewers told reporters Friday that it is increasingly clear SportsCenter anchors John Anderson and Matt Barrie are currently dating.

Terrifying Uniformed Bachelorette Party Storms Local Bar

TACOMA, WA—Bursting into the establishment seemingly out of nowhere and overtaking it within a matter of moments, a terrifying uniformed bachelorette party stormed local pub Casey’s Saloon Friday night, onlookers reported.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Ads Defend Carbon Dioxide

New ads produced by the US-based Competitive Enterprise Institute defend carbon dioxide emissions as a byproduct essential to our way of life. What do you think?
  • "I don't know if I'd say dry ice is essential to heavy metal shows but, yeah, it's important."

    Carlos MacDonald
    DJ
  • "I am sick of all of my favorite pollutants getting a bad rap. Please don't let carbon dioxide go the way of cyanide, sulfuric acid, and galvanic sludge."

    Sarah Mallory
    Solar Panel Installer
  • "Lying in advertising. Is there anything these people won't do?"

    Jonah Jacobson
    Systems Analyst
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