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Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
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Ads Defend Carbon Dioxide

New ads produced by the US-based Competitive Enterprise Institute defend carbon dioxide emissions as a byproduct essential to our way of life. What do you think?
  • "I don't know if I'd say dry ice is essential to heavy metal shows but, yeah, it's important."

    Carlos MacDonald DJ
  • "I am sick of all of my favorite pollutants getting a bad rap. Please don't let carbon dioxide go the way of cyanide, sulfuric acid, and galvanic sludge."

    Sarah Mallory Solar Panel Installer
  • "Lying in advertising. Is there anything these people won't do?"

    Jonah Jacobson Systems Analyst
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