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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:
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Adult-Proof Ringtone

Some teens are reportedly using a ringtone so high-pitched that most adults cannot hear it. What do you think?
  • "This should go great with my son's text messages, which are too small for me to read."

    Sasha Rhodes Paper Maker
  • "What would really drive adults nuts is if they invented a silent ring option, like vibrate."

    Jerry Garver Systems Analyst
  • "With this new technology, I worry that today's girls are losing critical note-passing skills."

    Nate Steadman Lathe Operator
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