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Adults More Likely Than Teens To Use Phone While Driving

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360 Tour: Inside The RNC

The Onion invites you to explore our view from the floor of the 2016 Republican National Convention in Cleveland.

Good Guy With Gun, Bad Guy With Gun Both Excited To Unload Firearm In Crowd Outside Arena

CLEVELAND—As each of them looked around at the people gathered outside Quicken Loans Arena and fantasized about unholstering their weapon and taking aim directly at others, both a good guy with a gun and a bad guy with a gun attending the Republican National Convention reportedly worked themselves into a heightened state of excitement Thursday at the thought of unloading their firearm into the crowd.

Bob Dole Picked Off By Large Hawk Circling Arena Parking Lot

CLEVELAND—Describing how the bird of prey suddenly dived down from the sky at high velocity, sources confirmed Thursday that former GOP presidential nominee Bob Dole was picked off by a large red-tailed hawk circling above the Quicken Loans Arena parking lot.
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Adults More Likely Than Teens To Use Phone While Driving

Challenging popular beliefs, a report by the AAA Foundation for Traffic Safety found that adults were actually far more likely to text or talk on the phone while driving than teenagers. What do you think?

  • “But I do my best Vines while driving.”

    Sharon Atwell Lumberyard Manager
  • “Who else is going to call the numbers listed on the back of big rigs that are driving erratically?”

    Blake Templeton Well Digger
  • “I love being an adult because we can do whatever we want.”

    Kevin Simmons Oral Surgeon

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