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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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Advertising On License Plates?

The State of California is currently considering a plan to issue digital license plates that would display advertising when a car is stopped for more than four seconds. What do you think?

  • "I think this is a great idea. Who doesn't love staring at license plates all day?"

    Angela Billotte Claims Adjuster
  • "I hope mine's a rotation of dentist ads. People really should take better care of their chompers."

    Darrell Power Agronomist
  • "No dice. The only message I'm carrying when I drive is 'ILUVDEB.'"

    Adam Marshall Blade Groover

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