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Black Man Out Of Work

WASHINGTON—Joining the ranks of the unemployed at a time when joblessness remains stubbornly high among African Americans, 55-year-old local black man Barack Obama has lost the full-time job he has held for the past eight years, sources confirmed Friday.

Departing Obama Tearfully Shoos Away Loyal Drone Following Him Out Of White House

‘Go On Now, Git,’ Says Former President

WASHINGTON—Stopping and turning around as he made his way across the South Lawn after hearing the unmanned aerial vehicle hovering just feet behind him, outgoing President Barack Obama tearfully shooed away a loyal MQ-9 Reaper drone attempting to follow him out of the White House, sources confirmed Friday.

Jimmy Carter Contemplating Dying Right Here And Now

WASHINGTON—Carefully weighing the pros and cons of each option from his seat onstage at Donald Trump’s inauguration, former president Jimmy Carter is, according to late-breaking reports, currently contemplating dying right here and now.
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Advertising On License Plates?

The State of California is currently considering a plan to issue digital license plates that would display advertising when a car is stopped for more than four seconds. What do you think?

  • "I think this is a great idea. Who doesn't love staring at license plates all day?"

    Angela Billotte Claims Adjuster
  • "I hope mine's a rotation of dentist ads. People really should take better care of their chompers."

    Darrell Power Agronomist
  • "No dice. The only message I'm carrying when I drive is 'ILUVDEB.'"

    Adam Marshall Blade Groover

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