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Politics

The Onion Introduces: The Book Bjorn

Replete with an astonishing assemblage of facts, illustrations, maps, charts, threats, blood and additional fees to edify even the most simple-minded book-buyer, The Onion Book Of Known Knowledge is packed with valuable information--such as the life stage...

Robert Mueller Driving SUV 100 MPH Down Runway As Air Force One Narrowly Lifts Off

PRINCE GEORGE’S COUNTY, MD—Sending a pair of guards scrambling for safety as he gunned his black SUV through a chain-link gate and onto the tarmac, Robert Mueller, the former FBI director who was recently tapped to lead the ongoing investigation into the Trump campaign’s ties to Russia, chased Air Force One down the runway at Joint Base Andrews moments before takeoff, sources reported Tuesday.

Trump Asks Entire Senate To Clear Out Of Chamber So He Can Speak To Comey Alone

WASHINGTON—Entering through a side door and bidding the assembled legislators, congressional aides, and members of the media to give him a moment with the former FBI director, President Donald Trump reportedly asked the entire Senate to clear the chamber during James Comey’s testimony Thursday so he could speak to him alone.

A Timeline Of The Watergate Scandal

With the White House mired in controversy, comparisons to Washington’s most famous scandal have been common, if not always accurate. Forty-five years after the events leading to Nixon’s resignation, The Onion presents a detailed timeline of the Watergate scandal.
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Affirmative Action Under Fire

President Bush recently urged the Supreme Court to strike down the University of Michigan's affirmative-action program as unconstitutional. What do you think?
  • "Affirmative action unfairly keeps more qualified applicants out of college. Kind of like having a rich, politically connected daddy."

    Tom Edwards Systems Analyst
  • "Christ. NBC's A Different World wasn't enough, now they want to go to 'real' college, too?"

    Frank Krantz Architect
  • "I once met someone who says she lost a job because of affirmative action, and I've never met anyone who's benefitted, so I'm opposed."

    Marci Hoffler Homemaker
  • "Why do those people act like we owe them something? Oh, right."

    Marla Simmons Student
  • "I applaud Bush's hardline stand on this issue, as once a nigra get his head full-a learnin', he start up a-thinkin', an' then there ain't no keepin' him down no-how."

    Rich Skoldek Plumber
  • "This is an extremely complex, emotionally charged issue, but one thing is clear: Condoleezza Rice's name is funny."

    Dennis Dugan Cab Driver

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