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Politics

How Trump Plans To ‘Drain The Swamp’

One of Donald Trump’s central presidential campaign promises was to “drain the swamp” by ridding Washington politics of corruption and corporate influence. Here’s how he plans to do it.

Black Man Out Of Work

WASHINGTON—Joining the ranks of the unemployed at a time when joblessness remains stubbornly high among African Americans, 55-year-old local black man Barack Obama has lost the full-time job he has held for the past eight years, sources confirmed Friday.

Departing Obama Tearfully Shoos Away Loyal Drone Following Him Out Of White House

‘Go On Now, Git,’ Says Former President

WASHINGTON—Stopping and turning around as he made his way across the South Lawn after hearing the unmanned aerial vehicle hovering just feet behind him, outgoing President Barack Obama tearfully shooed away a loyal MQ-9 Reaper drone attempting to follow him out of the White House, sources confirmed Friday.

Jimmy Carter Contemplating Dying Right Here And Now

WASHINGTON—Carefully weighing the pros and cons of each option from his seat onstage at Donald Trump’s inauguration, former president Jimmy Carter is, according to late-breaking reports, currently contemplating dying right here and now.
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Affirmative Action Under Fire

President Bush recently urged the Supreme Court to strike down the University of Michigan's affirmative-action program as unconstitutional. What do you think?
  • "Affirmative action unfairly keeps more qualified applicants out of college. Kind of like having a rich, politically connected daddy."

    Tom Edwards Systems Analyst
  • "Christ. NBC's A Different World wasn't enough, now they want to go to 'real' college, too?"

    Frank Krantz Architect
  • "I once met someone who says she lost a job because of affirmative action, and I've never met anyone who's benefitted, so I'm opposed."

    Marci Hoffler Homemaker
  • "Why do those people act like we owe them something? Oh, right."

    Marla Simmons Student
  • "I applaud Bush's hardline stand on this issue, as once a nigra get his head full-a learnin', he start up a-thinkin', an' then there ain't no keepin' him down no-how."

    Rich Skoldek Plumber
  • "This is an extremely complex, emotionally charged issue, but one thing is clear: Condoleezza Rice's name is funny."

    Dennis Dugan Cab Driver

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