adBlockCheck

Recent News

Biden Opts Out Of Putting Last Few Felonies On Job Application

WASHINGTON—Saying he would be “sitting pretty” if he landed such a primo gig, Vice President Joe Biden reportedly decided Tuesday to leave off several of his most recent felonies while filling out a job application for a blackjack dealer position at the Horseshoe Casino Baltimore.
End Of Section
  • More News

‘After Earth’ Bombs At Box Office

After Earth, a sci-fi adventure starring Will Smith and his son Jaden and featuring a Scientology-related narrative, took in just $27 million last weekend, a small fraction of its $135 million budget and the $100 million Sony spent on marketing. What do you think?

  • “It’s kind of nice when terrible movies don’t do well.”

    Lester Murray Laser Cutter
  • “But it has everything: an arrogant child actor being thrust on us by showbiz parents, M. Night Shyamalan, and Scientology.”

    Jim Allen Systems Analyst
  • “If they wanted people to come see it, they should have just said so. We’re not mind readers!”

    Elise Forsythe Compressor Assembler

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close