Aid Workers Stealing Children

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Goodwill Executives Arrested After Years Of Skimming Donated Goods Off Top

ROCKVILLE, MD—In what authorities are calling one of the most wide-reaching and deplorable cases of embezzlement in recent history, seven executives at Goodwill Industries International were arrested Thursday for allegedly skimming used clothing, old furniture, small appliances, and thousands of other donated items from the charitable group.

Meteorologists Say Upcoming Hurricane Season To Be Permanent

SILVER SPRING, MD—Warning residents to prepare for extreme winds, heavy rainfall, and flooding starting in the near future and continuing indefinitely, meteorologists at the National Weather Service announced Friday that the upcoming hurricane season would be permanent.
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  • Man’s Body Running Out Of Ideas To Convince Him He Full

    BAYTOWN, TX—Having repeatedly ratcheted up the 34-year-old’s level of discomfort with no noticeable effect on his behavior, the body of local man Kent Dugan confirmed Wednesday that it was starting to run out of ideas to convince him that he was full.

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  • Father Apologizes For Taking Out Anger On Wrong Son

    ELIZABETH, NJ—Moments after losing his composure with an unwarranted emotional outburst, local father David Kessler reportedly apologized to his son Christopher Thursday for erroneously taking out his anger on him and not his older brother Peter.

Aid Workers Stealing Children

Several French aid workers are charged with trying to smuggle 103 children they claimed were orphans from Darfur, but in reality were children with living parents from Chad. What do you think?
  • "I'm outraged that my Darfur orphan may just be a cheap Chadian knockoff."

    Gery Weidemeyer
    Waste Management Worker
  • "We all know Mr. and Mrs. Oueddei weren't giving their son the support he needed to become a successful subsistence farmer."

    Cathy Terrell
    Systems Analyst
  • "My guess is the non-orphan issue would be moot a year or two from now."

    Hal Getrust
    Cabinet Maker