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Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.
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Ailing Hugo Chavez Makes Surprise Return

After spending more than two months in seclusion in Cuba following cancer surgery, Venezuelan president Hugo Chavez made an unannounced return home yesterday, at which time he was immediately transferred to a local hospital. What do you think?

  • “Ah, the prodigal son returns. Right? I don’t know enough about Chavez, Venezuela, or the Bible to know if that applies.”

    Harold Jansen Drill Bit Sharpener
  • “He really needs to shoot off a couple fiery anti–U.S. imperialism invectives to show that he’s still doing the job of governing Venezuela.”

    Jay Yasutake Unemployed
  • “I hope he was able to say goodbye to Castro.”

    Kristine March Rhinestone Setter
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