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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:
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Air Force Follies

In the past few weeks, U.S. Air Force pilots have been involved in a number of dangerous incidents involving irresponsible flying. Most notable were two incidents in New Jersey last week, in which F-16 jets chased commercial airliners out of their flight patterns. What do you think?
  • "I think the Aviation Department should do a better job of painting those yellow lines in the air to prevent such mishaps."

    Lynette Henke Veterinarian
  • "Maybe the government has been giving out a bit too much hash lately."

    Raul Herron Roofer
  • "They were probably testing something. Just like the time they tested my anus to see if I was gay."

    Robert Pettit Building Contractor
  • "I find it surprising to hear about these accidents, especially when I think of the fine caliber of individuals in the military that I knew in high-school shop class."

    Rachel Pierce Systems Analyst
  • "Remember in 1983 when we shot down that Korean Airlines jet? That was sweet."

    Gregg Syzinski Chiropractor
  • "Kenny Loggins was right—they really do fly into the Danger Zone."

    Richmond Burger Carpenter
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