adBlockCheck

Recent News

Keys To The Matchup: Packers vs. Falcons

The NFC Championship Game pits the Atlanta Falcons against the Green Bay Packers for the rare chance to play a meaningful game in Houston. Onion Sports breaks down what each team must do to win.

Black Man Out Of Work

WASHINGTON—Joining the ranks of the unemployed at a time when joblessness remains stubbornly high among African Americans, 55-year-old local black man Barack Obama has lost the full-time job he has held for the past eight years, sources confirmed Friday.

Departing Obama Tearfully Shoos Away Loyal Drone Following Him Out Of White House

‘Go On Now, Git,’ Says Former President

WASHINGTON—Stopping and turning around as he made his way across the South Lawn after hearing the unmanned aerial vehicle hovering just feet behind him, outgoing President Barack Obama tearfully shooed away a loyal MQ-9 Reaper drone attempting to follow him out of the White House, sources confirmed Friday.

Jimmy Carter Contemplating Dying Right Here And Now

WASHINGTON—Carefully weighing the pros and cons of each option from his seat onstage at Donald Trump’s inauguration, former president Jimmy Carter is, according to late-breaking reports, currently contemplating dying right here and now.
End Of Section
  • More News

Airline Passenger Complaints Up Sharply

According to data from the Department of Transportation, the number of passenger complaints about airline travel soared 20 percent in 2012, with United earning the title of the most complained-about airline. What do you think?

  • “As the talkative guy eating a tuna salad sandwich next to you, I’m largely to blame for this report.”

    Wayne Lemmon Buckle Gluer
  • “Why are these people complaining to the Department of Transportation when there’s a perfectly good flight attendant on the plane they could scream at right there?”

    Brooke Cochran Electrode Cleaner
  • “These people need to relax, open up the latest issue of Hemispheres, and lose themselves in a story about Jacksonville’s nightlife hot spots.”

    Dirk Osterberg Systems Analyst

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close