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Cannon Overshoots Tim Kaine Across Wells Fargo Center

PHILADELPHIA—Noting that the vice presidential nominee had been launched nearly 100 feet into the air during his entrance into the Democratic National Convention Wednesday night, sources reported that the cannon at the back of the Wells Fargo Center had accidentally overshot Tim Kaine across the arena, sending him crashing to the stage several dozen feet beyond the erected safety net.

Wow, Dad Really Went From Zero To 60 With Woodworking This Summer

PAGE, AZ—Expressing their astonishment as they once again heard the sound of their father using his circular saw in the garage despite his seemingly complete lack of interest in the craft prior to last month, the children of area man Sam Morgan, 52, confirmed Tuesday that, wow, their dad had really gone from zero to 60 with woodworking this summer.

Who Is Tim Kaine?

Virginia senator Tim Kaine will be Hillary Clinton’s running mate on the Democratic Party ticket in the 2016 presidential election. Here’s what you need to know about Kaine

Lone Superdelegate Voting For Martin O’Malley Feels Like Total Fucking Idiot

PHILADELPHIA—Sheepishly raising his hand to nominate the man who suspended his presidential campaign back in February, unpledged delegate Bob Shiefke told reporters Tuesday he felt like a “total fucking idiot” for being the only person at the Democratic National Convention voting for former Maryland governor Martin O’Malley.
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Airline Passenger Has TB

An Atlanta lawyer recently flew two transatlantic flights after being diagnosed with a rare and dangerous strain of tuberculosis. What do you think?
  • "On top of that he was apparently incredibly chatty and hogged the armrests during the entire flight."

    Paul Keegan Location Scout
  • "All the amazing tourist destinations right here on our own soil just weren't good enough, huh? Well, you won't see me coming down with the plague after visiting Hershey Park, that's for sure."

    Valerie Duncan Car Detailer
  • "I was one step from taking that flight myself. Thank God for racial profiling."

    Max Boyd Oncologist

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