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Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.

God Excited About First Trip To Japan

THE HEAVENS—After years of talking about visiting the East Asian country, God, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was excited to finally be taking His first trip to Japan.
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Airline Passenger Has TB

An Atlanta lawyer recently flew two transatlantic flights after being diagnosed with a rare and dangerous strain of tuberculosis. What do you think?
  • "On top of that he was apparently incredibly chatty and hogged the armrests during the entire flight."

    Paul Keegan Location Scout
  • "All the amazing tourist destinations right here on our own soil just weren't good enough, huh? Well, you won't see me coming down with the plague after visiting Hershey Park, that's for sure."

    Valerie Duncan Car Detailer
  • "I was one step from taking that flight myself. Thank God for racial profiling."

    Max Boyd Oncologist

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