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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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Airlines Made $27 Billion In Fees Last Year

A report found that airlines worldwide made $27 billion last year from fees—including those for checked baggage, early boarding, in-flight snacks, additional legroom, and more—which represents a 20 percent increase from the previous year. What do you think?

  • “I once sat next to Mandy Patinkin on a flight to Chicago. You can’t put a price on that.”

    James Bedig Glass Silverer
  • “Remember a little thing called 9/11? Give them a break.”

    Valerie Walker Spool Cleaner
  • “Just don’t pay the fees. They can’t legally do anything about it.”

    Wanda Van Dyke Grain Roaster

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