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Brad Pitt Sidelined 6 To 8 Weeks With Red Carpet Toe

LOS ANGELES—Saying doctors strongly recommended that he stay off the injured foot, representatives for Brad Pitt confirmed to reporters Sunday that the actor was sidelined six to eight weeks with a case of red carpet toe.

The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:
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Al-Jazeera In English?

Al-Jazeera, the Arab news station, is preparing to launch an international English-language version of their channel. What do you think?
  • "Arabic media are just a mouthpiece for Big Falafel."

    Kevin Thompson Copywriter
  • "And just the other day I was wondering where I was going to go for some fluff pieces about goat care!"

    Katherine Yablon Medical Intern
  • "Thinly veiled government propaganda disguised as news would never fly in America."

    Bill Higgins Projectionist
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