Al-Qaeda Planning Attack

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Meteorologists Say Upcoming Hurricane Season To Be Permanent

SILVER SPRING, MD—Warning residents to prepare for extreme winds, heavy rainfall, and flooding starting in the near future and continuing indefinitely, meteorologists at the National Weather Service announced Friday that the upcoming hurricane season would be permanent.
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  • Man’s Body Running Out Of Ideas To Convince Him He Full

    BAYTOWN, TX—Having repeatedly ratcheted up the 34-year-old’s level of discomfort with no noticeable effect on his behavior, the body of local man Kent Dugan confirmed Wednesday that it was starting to run out of ideas to convince him that he was full.

Al-Qaeda Planning Attack

Last week, top U.S. officials warned that al-Qaeda plans to attack our country in the next few months. What do you think?
  • "Those terrorists don't scare me. At least not without the help of my government."

    Janet Barker
    Pedicurist
  • "Is this question about today's terror announcement, or the three last month, or the one they'll announce tomorrow?"

    Jacob Shafer
    Accountant
  • "Well, Grandpa's been complaining about his shoulder lately, and that can only mean one thing."

    Marlene Porter
    Real Estate Agent
  • "Awesome! This will save me the trouble of killing myself!"

    Charles Sornsin
    Cook
  • "So we should...?"

    Juan Axelson
    Barber
  • "I'm sorry, but if they attack us again, we're going to have to go after them this time."

    Timothy Seymour
    Systems Analyst