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A Timeline Of Abraham Lincoln’s Life

Every February, people across the the nation celebrate the legacy of Abraham Lincoln, widely considered to be one of America’s finest presidents. The Onion provides a timeline of the key moments in President Lincoln’s life:

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Nation Leery Of Very Odd Little Boy

WASHINGTON—Noting that there was something distinctly unnerving about his mannerisms, physical appearance, and overall demeanor, the nation confirmed Friday that it was leery of very odd 8-year-old Brendan Nault.

What You Need To Know About The Trump Administration’s Ties To Russia

New revelations from the U.S. intelligence community about potentially illegal communications between members of the Trump administration and Russian officials, which led to Michael Flynn resigning as national security advisor Monday, have increased calls for a wider investigation of Trump’s murky ties to Russia. Here’s what you need to know.
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Al-Qaeda Planning Attack

Last week, top U.S. officials warned that al-Qaeda plans to attack our country in the next few months. What do you think?
  • "Those terrorists don't scare me. At least not without the help of my government."

    Janet Barker Pedicurist
  • "Is this question about today's terror announcement, or the three last month, or the one they'll announce tomorrow?"

    Jacob Shafer Accountant
  • "Well, Grandpa's been complaining about his shoulder lately, and that can only mean one thing."

    Marlene Porter Real Estate Agent
  • "Awesome! This will save me the trouble of killing myself!"

    Charles Sornsin Cook
  • "So we should...?"

    Juan Axelson Barber
  • "I'm sorry, but if they attack us again, we're going to have to go after them this time."

    Timothy Seymour Systems Analyst
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