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Politics

Nation's Hardass Cops Finally Find Time To Play Games

In a sudden departure from their long-held stance of not being here to play games and not, in fact, having the time to play games, the nation’s hardass cops announced Wednesday they had finally carved out a couple hours during which games could be p...

Robert Mueller Driving SUV 100 MPH Down Runway As Air Force One Narrowly Lifts Off

PRINCE GEORGE’S COUNTY, MD—Sending a pair of guards scrambling for safety as he gunned his black SUV through a chain-link gate and onto the tarmac, Robert Mueller, the former FBI director who was recently tapped to lead the ongoing investigation into the Trump campaign’s ties to Russia, chased Air Force One down the runway at Joint Base Andrews moments before takeoff, sources reported Tuesday.
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Al-Qaeda Recruiting Western-Looking Operatives

Central Intelligence Director Michael Hayden said on Meet The Press that al-Qaeda was training operatives who "look Western" in order to pass undetected. What do you think?
  • "Oh my god, my neighbor looks Western!"

    Nick Causey Doorman
  • "You mean someone who looks as white as Timothy McVeigh might be a terrorist?"

    Becky Teasley Importer
  • "Given the 10-year lag in pop-culture transference, the CIA should keep an eye out for terrorists who look like the cast of Mad About You."

    Keith DelBueno Database Administrator

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