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Biden Opts Out Of Putting Last Few Felonies On Job Application

WASHINGTON—Saying he would be “sitting pretty” if he landed such a primo gig, Vice President Joe Biden reportedly decided Tuesday to leave off several of his most recent felonies while filling out a job application for a blackjack dealer position at the Horseshoe Casino Baltimore.

Departing Bo Obama Lands K Street Lobbyist Position

WASHINGTON—Touting his lengthy tenure in the White House and close personal relationships with the president of the United States and first lady, executives at Brownstein Hyatt Farber Schreck announced Monday that once the current administration steps down later this week, the departing Bo Obama will officially join their high-powered K Street lobbying firm.
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Al-Zarqawi Dead

Jordanian terrorist Abu Musab al Zarqawi, alleged leader of the Iraqi insurgency, was killed in a U.S. airstrike Wednesday. What do you think?
  • "Ha! I pity the thousands upon thousands of people who will readily take his place."

    Ben Rzyczec Programmer
  • "We created him—it's only fair we got rid of him."

    Heather Greene Dietician
  • "This is a big fish. See, when you kill a big fish, you remove the most advantageous genetics, so the next generation is smaller and weaker. And fish are militant ideologues with a cache of weapons. So the metaphor is very apt."

    Robert Holloway Systems Analyst

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