adBlockCheck

Recent News

Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.

God Excited About First Trip To Japan

THE HEAVENS—After years of talking about visiting the East Asian country, God, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was excited to finally be taking His first trip to Japan.
End Of Section
  • More News

Alabama Churches Burned

Since the beginning of February, nine Baptist churches have been burned to the ground in Alabama. What do you think?
  • "Historical precedent puts the smart money on 1,200-year-old Vikings."

    Mary Elizabeth Landscaper
  • “Baby boomers and their fucking nostalgia trips.”

    Frank Mansfield Systems Analyst
  • "Maybe there's no motivation beyond wanting to see the pretty fire. I think we can all understand that."

    Jack Burke Knife Sharpener

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close