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Politics

Bo Obama Addresses Graduates Of Dayton Obedience School

DAYTON, OH—Calling on the 2017 class of canines to make the most of their training as they head out into the world, former first dog Bo Obama delivered a stirring commencement speech Friday to graduates of the Dayton Obedience School.

Rural Working-Class Archbishops Come Out In Droves To Welcome Trump To Vatican

VATICAN CITY—Arriving in their dusty pickup trucks from as far away as the dioceses of Oria and Locri-Gerace to express their support for a leader who they say embodies their interests and defends their way of life, droves of rural working-class archbishops reportedly poured into St. Peter’s Square today to greet U.S. president Donald Trump during his visit to the Vatican.

Trump: ‘I Am A Very Stupid Human Being’

WASHINGTON—Responding to a damning ‘Washington Post’ report alleging he had shared highly classified information with Russian officials, President Donald Trump addressed the concerns of the press, his fellow government officials, and the public at large Tuesday by announcing that he was an incredibly stupid human being.

Escalating Tensions Lead Trump To Shake Up Inner Circle Of TV Programs

WASHINGTON—Saying the decision arose out of the necessity to weed out certain key members whose values no longer aligned with the president’s, White House spokesman Sean Spicer told reporters Thursday that escalating tensions have led President Trump to shake up his inner circle of television programs.
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Albert's Choice

The Democratic National Convention is underway, and much of the focus is on Al Gore's running mate, Joseph Lieberman, an Orthodox Jew. What do you think of the prospect of a Jewish vice-president?
  • "It's hard to imagine the possibility of a Jew in a position of power and influence."

    Danielle Sisler Dental Hygienist
  • "Aren't we all jumping to conclusions here? Just because his name is Lieberman doesn't mean he's Jewish."

    Sarah Slocombe Librarian
  • "If the Jews want one of their own in the White House, why are they going through all these non-devious, above-ground channels?"

    Nate Robinson Systems Analyst
  • "A Jew in the White House? He's gonna start passing all sorts of crazy measures, like, 'The American people should eat something, already.'"

    Paul Zygmund Locksmith
  • "So instead of just Jew York, we gonna have Jew everything? Jew Mexico, Jew Orleans, and Jewisville, Kiketucky? And I ain't bass fishin' on no Lake Jewperior."

    Bob MacTaggart Roofer
  • "I got nothin' against the Jews, but let me put it this way: Would you want your daughter to nominate one for vice-president? I rest my case."

    Frederick Hutch Airline Pilot

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