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Lone Superdelegate Voting For Martin O’Malley Feels Like Total Fucking Idiot

PHILADELPHIA—Sheepishly raising his hand to nominate the man who suspended his presidential campaign back in February, unpledged delegate Bob Shiefke told reporters Tuesday he felt like a “total fucking idiot” for being the only person at the Democratic National Convention voting for former Maryland governor Martin O’Malley.

Michelle Obama: ‘Well, There Are 8 Years Of My Life I’ll Never Get Back’

PHILADELPHIA—Her face fixed in an expression of apathetic detachment as she took the stage Monday night to raucous cheers and applause, First Lady Michelle Obama reportedly began her address to the Democratic National Convention by exhaling audibly and remarking that she would never get the past eight years of her life back.

Revelations From The DNC Email Leak

Last week, WikiLeaks posted 20,000 email exchanges among DNC officials, the content of which led to DNC chair Debbie Wasserman Schultz’s resignation on the eve of the convention. Here are some of the key revelations from the leak

CNN Producer On Hunt For Saddest-Looking Fuck With Convention Button Collection

PHILADELPHIA—Weaving his way through the crowd of patriotically dressed attendees excitedly milling around on the floor of the Democratic National Convention, CNN segment producer Jeff Raskin reportedly went on the hunt Monday for the most pitiful-looking fuck willing to speak on camera about their political button collection.
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Albert's Choice

The Democratic National Convention is underway, and much of the focus is on Al Gore's running mate, Joseph Lieberman, an Orthodox Jew. What do you think of the prospect of a Jewish vice-president?
  • "It's hard to imagine the possibility of a Jew in a position of power and influence."

    Danielle Sisler Dental Hygienist
  • "Aren't we all jumping to conclusions here? Just because his name is Lieberman doesn't mean he's Jewish."

    Sarah Slocombe Librarian
  • "If the Jews want one of their own in the White House, why are they going through all these non-devious, above-ground channels?"

    Nate Robinson Systems Analyst
  • "A Jew in the White House? He's gonna start passing all sorts of crazy measures, like, 'The American people should eat something, already.'"

    Paul Zygmund Locksmith
  • "So instead of just Jew York, we gonna have Jew everything? Jew Mexico, Jew Orleans, and Jewisville, Kiketucky? And I ain't bass fishin' on no Lake Jewperior."

    Bob MacTaggart Roofer
  • "I got nothin' against the Jews, but let me put it this way: Would you want your daughter to nominate one for vice-president? I rest my case."

    Frederick Hutch Airline Pilot

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