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Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.

Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.
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Amanda Bynes Hospitalized After Setting Fire

Authorities in California ordered the involuntary psychiatric hospitalization of embattled 27-year-old former actress Amanda Bynes after she allegedly started a fire in a stranger’s driveway, the latest in a string of bizarre behavior. What do you think?

  • “It’s terrible to see someone entertain us like this.”

    Milo Segal Lighting Technician
  • “Why are we so quick to criticize liberated, empowered women?”

    Troy Toups Soap Formulator
  • “I liked her more when she wasn’t a haunting symbol of mental illness.”

    Leah Addica Groundskeeper
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