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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.

Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.
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Amazon CEO Buys ‘Washington Post’ For $250M

Jeff Bezos, the founder and CEO of the world’s largest online retailer, Amazon.com, bought The Washington Post and several smaller newspapers for a quarter of a billion dollars. What do you think?

  • “It’s kind of comforting to know everything will be owned by one or two people someday.”

    Dawn Galloway Coal Hauler
  • “He’s keeping it all for himself, I’m sure.”

    Joseph Balcomb Irradiated Fuel Handler
  • “I hope he brings back ‘The Far Side.’”

    Stuart Kaiser Unemployed
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