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‘The Princess Bride’ By The Numbers

‘The Princess Bride’ was released 30 years ago today, and it has since become a classic beloved by people of all ages. ‘The Onion’ looks back at ‘The Princess Bride’ 30 years later.

National Zoo Announces Giant Pandas To Divorce

WASHINGTON—Assuring the public that the decision was difficult but the right thing to do for all parties involved, the Smithsonian National Zoological Park announced Friday that their giant pandas would be divorcing.

New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.
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Amazon Issues Refunds For Counterfeit Eclipse Glasses

Warning that the items might not protect against permanent eye damage, Amazon has issued refunds to customers who purchased counterfeit eclipse glasses. What do you think?

  • “You can’t blame someone for trying to make a buck off this whole staring-directly-at-the-sun craze.”

    Dan Guettler Talent Wrangler
  • “Good thing I saved my glasses from the 1932 eclipse.”

    Troy Johnston Helium Speculator
  • “I’ve always found Amazon to be pretty good about refunds for anything that blinds you.”

    Anne D’Amato Rubberizer

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