Amazon Plans To Ship Items Before You Buy Them

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Vol 50 Issue 03

Jay Z Honored To Be Nominated In Same Category As Jay Z

LOS ANGELES—Saying that he was thrilled to be considered alongside such a talented and respected musician, hip-hop artist and 2014 Best Rap Album Grammy nominee Jay Z told reporters today that he feels “deeply honored” to be nominated in...

Lunchbox Mostly Medication

Inclement weather prevents a liar from getting to work, thousands of athletes who will disgrace their country eagerly train for the Winter Olympics, and a lunchbox is mostly medication.

Mascot Absolutely Reeks

SYRACUSE, NY—Saying that they probably never clean the thing, sources confirmed Friday that Syracuse University’s mascot Otto the Orange absolutely reeked as he wove his way in and out of stands.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Amazon Plans To Ship Items Before You Buy Them

Amazon has filed a patent for “anticipatory shipping,” which would use customers’ wish lists, previous purchases, and other data to predict which items they would likely purchase in the future and then ship such merchandise to their homes before they have even placed an order. What do you think?

  • “You mean my Pac-Man-shaped ice cube tray might already be here?”

    Joel Redding
    Dock Worker
  • “That’s fine, but what I like to do is look up an appliance on Amazon.com—just to see if I like it online, you know?—and then I go to Sears and just buy it there.”

    Ross Gordon
    Internal Medicine Specialist
  • “Good luck knowing what I want. I’m fucking nuts.”

    Ann Fazekas
    Paystub Issuer
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