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Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.

God Excited About First Trip To Japan

THE HEAVENS—After years of talking about visiting the East Asian country, God, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was excited to finally be taking His first trip to Japan.
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America Most Armed Nation

The 2007 Small Arms Survey indicates that the United States is the most armed nation in the world, with 90 guns for every 100 citizens. What do you think?
  • "Surely it doesn't count as two guns if you're just carrying a teensy one in each hand?"

    Deirdre Norris Waitress
  • "As the assistant editor of Guns & Ammo, I'm now wondering where the hell the subscribers are."

    John Snell Editor
  • "With that milestone out of the way, we can now turn our attention to becoming the nation in the world with the sharpest knives."

    Paul DuPont Systems Analyst

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