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Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
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American Consumers Happiest Since 2007

Americans’ confidence in the U.S. economy reached its highest level since July 2007, according to the latest reading of a leading consumer sentiment index. What do you think?

  • “Not me. Still on Wellbutrin. Still cutting.”

    H. Clay Singer Enamel Dipper
  • “Not surprising. Who doesn’t love an anemic stabilization with persistently high unemployment after an economic downturn?”

    Kerry Blinco Nitroglycerin Distributor
  • “Probably because they replaced all those space-wasting Borders bookstores with places where you could buy useful things, like Boost Mobile stores.”

    Graham Rackman Hatter
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