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Frontier Airlines Tells Customers To Just Fucking Deal With It

‘You’re Uncomfortable For A Few Hours And Then You Get To Be Somewhere Else,’ Says CEO

DENVER—Noting that some discomfort should be expected while traveling to a faraway place in just a few goddamn hours, officials from ultra-low-cost carrier Frontier Airlines reportedly told customers Thursday to just fucking deal with it.

Top Family Vacation Spots

With school out for the summer, families are packing up and hitting the road. Here are The Onion’s top family vacation destinations.
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American Taliban

Debate is raging over the proper punishment for John Walker, the California 20-year-old who fought with the Taliban against the U.S. What do you think?
  • "I hope that traitor spends the rest of his life locked away in substantially better living conditions than he had in Afghanistan."

    Peter Dunn Systems Analyst
  • "Why couldn't he have been like other shallow, overprivileged white kids and just spent a few years in Prague?"

    Vicki Robbins Psychologist
  • "As CEO of a major scotch manufacturer, I demand that he be referred to as John Lindh. Our image is going down the toilet, goddammit."

    Tom Eisen CEO
  • "Treason or not, I think it was hurtful and tasteless of Walker to go around in blackface like that."

    Frank Costello Delivery Driver
  • "We could execute Walker, or we could sentence him to tour the country's elementary schools lecturing on how plotting to destroy the U.S. is a dead end."

    Burt Bynum Cashier
  • "That's it. I'm pulling my son Jason out of that Pakistani madrassa pronto."

    Roberta Davis Dental Hygienist

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