After Birth

Parents Of Crying Child Must Not Be Any Good

WOODBURY, MN—Noting how the pair’s failure to promptly resolve the situation was a clear indication of their inability to raise or care for another human being, sources confirmed Friday that the parents of a crying infant must not be any good.

A Look At The Class Of 2020

This year’s incoming college freshmen will comprise the graduating class of 2020, with the majority of them born in 1998. Here are some facts and figures about these students and their worldview:

‘Rugrats’ Turns 25

This August marks the 25th anniversary of the premiere of Rugrats, the beloved Nickelodeon cartoon about intrepid baby Tommy Pickles and his group of toddler friends. Here are some milestones from the show’s nine-season run
End Of Section
  • More News

American Teens, French Sex

According to several recent studies, as many as two-thirds of American teens claim to have regular oral sex. What do you think?
  • "Well, you know what they say… Oral sex is the gateway to wanting oral sex for the rest of your life."

    Louise Welker Systems Analyst
  • "What's the angle here? Alarmist or sexy? Because I could go either way."

    Mike Kampmann Roofer
  • "One study quoted several kids as saying they don't even consider oral sex to be 'sex,' but merely a fun thing to do while hanging out with your friends. How come it just sounds creepy when I say it?"

    Bernard Adamson Biologist

After Birth

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.