Americans Marrying Later

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‘SportsCenter’ Co-Anchors Clearly Dating

BRISTOL, CT—Saying that the pair could barely take their eyes off one another throughout the hour-long sports news program, ESPN viewers told reporters Friday that it is increasingly clear SportsCenter anchors John Anderson and Matt Barrie are currently dating.

Terrifying Uniformed Bachelorette Party Storms Local Bar

TACOMA, WA—Bursting into the establishment seemingly out of nowhere and overtaking it within a matter of moments, a terrifying uniformed bachelorette party stormed local pub Casey’s Saloon Friday night, onlookers reported.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Americans Marrying Later

Census Bureau figures for 2003 show that Americans are getting married later, with the average age for a first marriage having risen to 26. What do you think?
  • "Oh, great. First my grandmother starts pestering me about not being married, then my parents, and now the national media."

    Dale Steele
    Systems Analyst
  • "Thank God there's a greater trend I can look to when I ponder my lonely, loveless existence in the midnight hour."

    Lois Halverson
    Real Estate Clerk
  • "I don't have to worry about marriage at this point in my life. Paying child support for three kids is stressful enough as it is."

    Curtis Fuller
    Salesperson
  • "It's because of the sluggish economy. It's harder to get a dowry together these days."

    Ruby Turpin
    Auditor
  • "Christ. Get ready for some of the bitterest-looking bridesmaids in history."

    Marvin Watts
    Robotics Technician
  • "My folks got married at 17. They were also cousins. Let me know when you have your tape recorder ready."

    Glen Powers
    Home Health Aide
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