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Biden Opts Out Of Putting Last Few Felonies On Job Application

WASHINGTON—Saying he would be “sitting pretty” if he landed such a primo gig, Vice President Joe Biden reportedly decided Tuesday to leave off several of his most recent felonies while filling out a job application for a blackjack dealer position at the Horseshoe Casino Baltimore.

Departing Bo Obama Lands K Street Lobbyist Position

WASHINGTON—Touting his lengthy tenure in the White House and close personal relationships with the president of the United States and first lady, executives at Brownstein Hyatt Farber Schreck announced Monday that once the current administration steps down later this week, the departing Bo Obama will officially join their high-powered K Street lobbying firm.
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Americans Marrying Later

Census Bureau figures for 2003 show that Americans are getting married later, with the average age for a first marriage having risen to 26. What do you think?
  • "Oh, great. First my grandmother starts pestering me about not being married, then my parents, and now the national media."

    Dale Steele Systems Analyst
  • "Thank God there's a greater trend I can look to when I ponder my lonely, loveless existence in the midnight hour."

    Lois Halverson Real Estate Clerk
  • "I don't have to worry about marriage at this point in my life. Paying child support for three kids is stressful enough as it is."

    Curtis Fuller Salesperson
  • "It's because of the sluggish economy. It's harder to get a dowry together these days."

    Ruby Turpin Auditor
  • "Christ. Get ready for some of the bitterest-looking bridesmaids in history."

    Marvin Watts Robotics Technician
  • "My folks got married at 17. They were also cousins. Let me know when you have your tape recorder ready."

    Glen Powers Home Health Aide

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