Americans Marrying Later

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Grin Slowly Spreads Across Mom’s Face As Meal Revealed To Contain Healthy Ingredients

‘The Mashed Potatoes Are Actually Made With Cauliflower,’ She Announces

VERONA, WI—Having waited until everyone at the table had finished their dinner Monday, a knowing grin reportedly spread across local mother Angela Hopkins’ face as she announced to her family that the mashed potatoes had in fact been made using cauliflower as a healthier alternative.
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Local Household Announces Plans To Overdo Halloween Again

HIGHLAND PARK, IL—Having hauled over a dozen boxes of lights and plastic decorations as well as a large black-cat-shaped lawn inflatable from storage, members of the Hutchcroft family announced to neighbors from their front yard Thursday their plan to completely overdo Halloween again this year.

Americans Marrying Later

Census Bureau figures for 2003 show that Americans are getting married later, with the average age for a first marriage having risen to 26. What do you think?
  • "Oh, great. First my grandmother starts pestering me about not being married, then my parents, and now the national media."

    Dale Steele
    Systems Analyst
  • "Thank God there's a greater trend I can look to when I ponder my lonely, loveless existence in the midnight hour."

    Lois Halverson
    Real Estate Clerk
  • "I don't have to worry about marriage at this point in my life. Paying child support for three kids is stressful enough as it is."

    Curtis Fuller
  • "It's because of the sluggish economy. It's harder to get a dowry together these days."

    Ruby Turpin
  • "Christ. Get ready for some of the bitterest-looking bridesmaids in history."

    Marvin Watts
    Robotics Technician
  • "My folks got married at 17. They were also cousins. Let me know when you have your tape recorder ready."

    Glen Powers
    Home Health Aide