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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.

Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.
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Americans Overstate Claims Of Church Attendance

According to a new study, Americans are prone to exaggerating how often they attend church depending on how they are asked, with 36 percent of Americans reporting church attendance in a phone survey compared to the 31 percent answering online surveys. What do you think?

  • “Of course I attend. All children of Ba’al know that He is sated only by our steady and unflinching sacrifice.”

    Chad Gleeson Plaque Engraver
  • “Did this study include Jew and Muslim church?”

    Olivia Snyder Homemaker
  • “The Americans willing to do live phone interviews are so lonely they’ll say whatever will keep you on the phone just a little longer.”

    Francis Kirkwood Shipping Expert
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