adBlockCheck

Recent News

Frontier Airlines Tells Customers To Just Fucking Deal With It

‘You’re Uncomfortable For A Few Hours And Then You Get To Be Somewhere Else,’ Says CEO

DENVER—Noting that some discomfort should be expected while traveling to a faraway place in just a few goddamn hours, officials from ultra-low-cost carrier Frontier Airlines reportedly told customers Thursday to just fucking deal with it.

Top Family Vacation Spots

With school out for the summer, families are packing up and hitting the road. Here are The Onion’s top family vacation destinations.

Veteran Given Hero’s Welcome Back To Afghanistan

KABUL, AFGHANISTAN—Waving flags and breaking into cheers the moment they spotted the veteran, dozens of joyous citizens gave Marine Pfc. Victor Rosas, 23, a hero’s welcome back to Afghanistan, sources reported Tuesday.

OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.
End Of Section
  • More News

Americans Spend $330 Million On Halloween Pet Costumes

According to the National Retail Federation, Americans will spend nearly a third of a billion dollars on costumes for their pets this Halloween. What do you think?

  • “It seems like a waste, but my dog insists on going as something different every year.”

    Joni Culberg Livestock Breeder
  • “It’s not easy to get a set of vampire teeth in a ferret’s mouth, but it’s worth it.”

    Ned Zink Bowling Alley Manager
  • “My dog is already a dead ringer for Tommy Lee Jones.”

    Audrey Quarles Taffy Puller

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close