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Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.

20 Years Of Harry Potter

J.K. Rowling published ‘Harry Potter And The Philosopher’s Stone’ on June 26th, 1997, and it instantly became a cultural touchstone. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the 20-year history of the Harry Potter franchise.

Pros And Cons Of The Gig Economy

Americans are increasingly using on-demand services, both as workers and consumers. Here are the major benefits and drawbacks of the gig economy.
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Americans Vote For President

After a long, hard-fought campaign between Democrat Barack Obama and Republican Mitt Romney, voters are finally headed to the polls today to cast their ballots for president of the United States. What do you think?

  • “Good luck, everyone!”

    Nia Brownstone Tobacco Baler
  • “Wow, there’s an election happening? It really crept up on me.”

    Igor Vastagh Fiber Technologist
  • “It’s not any different from other elections: You cast your vote for president, senator, that one representative you don’t know much about but hasn’t majorly screwed up yet, and skip all that judge and referendum stuff. Simple.”

    Birch Sousa Toy Assembler

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