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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.

Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.
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Americans Vote For President

After a long, hard-fought campaign between Democrat Barack Obama and Republican Mitt Romney, voters are finally headed to the polls today to cast their ballots for president of the United States. What do you think?

  • “Good luck, everyone!”

    Nia Brownstone Tobacco Baler
  • “Wow, there’s an election happening? It really crept up on me.”

    Igor Vastagh Fiber Technologist
  • “It’s not any different from other elections: You cast your vote for president, senator, that one representative you don’t know much about but hasn’t majorly screwed up yet, and skip all that judge and referendum stuff. Simple.”

    Birch Sousa Toy Assembler
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