Americans Vote For President

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Vol 48 Issue 45

Anorexic Woman At Gym Looking Good

CHICAGO—Citing her shapeless physique, protruding skeleton, and jaundiced complexion, gym members exercising at a local Equinox Fitness Club on Friday confirmed that the anorexic woman working out on the first floor is looking good. “Oh, man, ...
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Man Considers Nodding Approvingly After Friend’s Drink Purchase

MEQUON, WI—Seeking to convey his endorsement of his acquaintance's selection at local bar Coney's Draft House this evening, area man Thomas Dodge told reporters that he was considering nodding approvingly at his friend’s alcoholic beverage pur...

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Americans Vote For President

After a long, hard-fought campaign between Democrat Barack Obama and Republican Mitt Romney, voters are finally headed to the polls today to cast their ballots for president of the United States. What do you think?

  • “Good luck, everyone!”

    Nia Brownstone
    Tobacco Baler
  • “Wow, there’s an election happening? It really crept up on me.”

    Igor Vastagh
    Fiber Technologist
  • “It’s not any different from other elections: You cast your vote for president, senator, that one representative you don’t know much about but hasn’t majorly screwed up yet, and skip all that judge and referendum stuff. Simple.”

    Birch Sousa
    Toy Assembler
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