adBlockCheck

Recent News

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.

Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.
End Of Section
  • More News

Americans' Wealth Down 40%

The median net worth of American families has fallen from $126,400 in 2007 to $77,300 in 2012, bringing middle-class wealth back down to 1992 levels. What do you think?

  • "Yeah, I’d put your money in gold and not kids right now, that’s for sure."

    Wanda Soles Electrical Tests Supervisor
  • "So? Just live another 20 years and earn it all back."

    Billy Cyphers Systems Analyst
  • "Are you sure? I didn’t make any money in 2007 and I don’t make any money now, so I call your bluff."

    Steve Richards Unemployed
More Videos

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close