America's Air-Traffic Jam

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Area Dad Thinks Refs Should Just Let Them Play Football

DOYLESTOWN, PA—Facetiously questioning how the game had suddenly become a non-contact sport, local father Aaron Harper confirmed his belief Thursday that referees officiating a Thanksgiving game between the Philadelphia Eagles and Detroit Lions should just let them play football out there.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Local Household Announces Plans To Overdo Halloween Again

HIGHLAND PARK, IL—Having hauled over a dozen boxes of lights and plastic decorations as well as a large black-cat-shaped lawn inflatable from storage, members of the Hutchcroft family announced to neighbors from their front yard Thursday their plan to completely overdo Halloween again this year.


America's Air-Traffic Jam

Despite FAA efforts to improve the nation's air-traffic-control system, flight delays and cancellations are at an all-time high. What do you think of this steadily worsening problem?
  • "I don't mind the delays, but sometimes I wish the ticket-counter employees wouldn't openly laugh at me while throwing rocks at my head."

    Edward Tahim
    Carpet Installer
  • "I like spending extra time at the airport. It gives me a chance to shop for Dean Koontz novels."

    Denise Bianchi
    Dental Hygienist
  • "Maybe if the pilots honked their horns, that'd get things moving."

    Pete Dermer
    Systems Analyst
  • "As a pilot, I sometimes have to deal with passengers' complaints when we take off late. But then I usually run 'em through a bit of turbulence, and they shut up real fast."

    Bob Jansen
  • "My flight got delayed, and I had to take an economy-class seat like a chump. Me, a Century 21 regional manager!"

    Fred Jaeger
  • "I'm so fed up with the airline industry's delays and cancellations, I'm going to complain to my friends."

    Hannah Bouganim
    English Teacher