adBlockCheck

America's Air-Traffic Jam

Top Headlines

Recent News

Rest Of Nation To Penn State: ‘Something Is Very Wrong With All Of You’

WASHINGTON—Stating they felt deeply unnerved by the community’s unwavering and impassioned defense of a football program and administration that enabled child sexual abuse over the course of several decades, the rest of the country informed Penn State University Friday that there is clearly something very wrong with all of them.

Strongside/Weakside: Lamar Jackson

After passing for eight touchdowns and rushing for another 10 in just the first three weeks of the season, Louisville Cardinals sophomore quarterback Lamar Jackson has quickly become the frontrunner to win the Heisman Trophy. Is he any good?

Obesity: Myth Vs. Fact

With as many as one in three people in the U.S. qualifying as obese, misconceptions are often formed about what it means to be significantly overweight. The Onion separates obesity myths from facts
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

America's Air-Traffic Jam

Despite FAA efforts to improve the nation's air-traffic-control system, flight delays and cancellations are at an all-time high. What do you think of this steadily worsening problem?
  • "I don't mind the delays, but sometimes I wish the ticket-counter employees wouldn't openly laugh at me while throwing rocks at my head."

    Edward Tahim Carpet Installer
  • "I like spending extra time at the airport. It gives me a chance to shop for Dean Koontz novels."

    Denise Bianchi Dental Hygienist
  • "Maybe if the pilots honked their horns, that'd get things moving."

    Pete Dermer Systems Analyst
  • "As a pilot, I sometimes have to deal with passengers' complaints when we take off late. But then I usually run 'em through a bit of turbulence, and they shut up real fast."

    Bob Jansen Pilot
  • "My flight got delayed, and I had to take an economy-class seat like a chump. Me, a Century 21 regional manager!"

    Fred Jaeger Realtor
  • "I'm so fed up with the airline industry's delays and cancellations, I'm going to complain to my friends."

    Hannah Bouganim English Teacher

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close