America's Air-Traffic Jam

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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Report: Dad Wants To Show You Where Fuse Box Is

YOUR LOCATION—Noting that it’s important to be prepared in case of emergencies but it’s also a good thing to know in general, your dad announced today that he wants to show you where the fuse box is.

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  • The Onion’s Guide To Beach Etiquette

    The arrival of summer means that the nation’s beaches will soon be crowded with swimmers, tanners, surfers, and more, so it’s important for everyone to be conscious of each other’s space and needs. Here are some etiquette tips to ensure that everyone has a safe and relaxing time at the beach:

America's Air-Traffic Jam

Despite FAA efforts to improve the nation's air-traffic-control system, flight delays and cancellations are at an all-time high. What do you think of this steadily worsening problem?
  • "I don't mind the delays, but sometimes I wish the ticket-counter employees wouldn't openly laugh at me while throwing rocks at my head."

    Edward Tahim
    Carpet Installer
  • "I like spending extra time at the airport. It gives me a chance to shop for Dean Koontz novels."

    Denise Bianchi
    Dental Hygienist
  • "Maybe if the pilots honked their horns, that'd get things moving."

    Pete Dermer
    Systems Analyst
  • "As a pilot, I sometimes have to deal with passengers' complaints when we take off late. But then I usually run 'em through a bit of turbulence, and they shut up real fast."

    Bob Jansen
    Pilot
  • "My flight got delayed, and I had to take an economy-class seat like a chump. Me, a Century 21 regional manager!"

    Fred Jaeger
    Realtor
  • "I'm so fed up with the airline industry's delays and cancellations, I'm going to complain to my friends."

    Hannah Bouganim
    English Teacher
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