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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:
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Amish Group Guilty Of Hate Crime

Sixteen members of a breakaway Amish group in Ohio face 10 years or more in prison after a religious dispute led them to enter the homes of fellow community members and forcibly cut their beards and hair. What do you think?

  • “Aw, man, those jails are about to get the best butter.”

    Quinn Orsatti Mental Health Agency Director
  • “I’d say to give them several years of hard labor, but knowing them, they’d probably love it.”

    Dennis Zavayna Systems Analyst
  • “They can lock up my barber while they’re at it. He took way too much off the top and practically destroyed my sideburns.”

    Tad Brown Buzzsaw Operator
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