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Amnesty International Report Blasts United States, China

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360 Tour: Inside The RNC

The Onion invites you to explore our view from the floor of the 2016 Republican National Convention in Cleveland.

Good Guy With Gun, Bad Guy With Gun Both Excited To Unload Firearm In Crowd Outside Arena

CLEVELAND—As each of them looked around at the people gathered outside Quicken Loans Arena and fantasized about unholstering their weapon and taking aim directly at others, both a good guy with a gun and a bad guy with a gun attending the Republican National Convention reportedly worked themselves into a heightened state of excitement Thursday at the thought of unloading their firearm into the crowd.

Bob Dole Picked Off By Large Hawk Circling Arena Parking Lot

CLEVELAND—Describing how the bird of prey suddenly dived down from the sky at high velocity, sources confirmed Thursday that former GOP presidential nominee Bob Dole was picked off by a large red-tailed hawk circling above the Quicken Loans Arena parking lot.
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Amnesty International Report Blasts United States, China

A new Amnesty International Report condemns China and the U.S. for turning a blind eye to global poverty and genocide. What do you think?
  • "Think globally, act locally. That's how I ended hunger in my gated community."

    Chuck Bolton Ice-Cream Scooper
  • "Global poverty and genocide are facts of life. We must focus on things we can actually accomplish—like discrediting Amnesty International."

    Randy Krauss Toy Sculptor
  • "Sorry, but I'm afraid I can't devote my attention to this cause until an attention-hungry celebrity poses naked for it."

    Neneh Williams Nanny

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