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Keys To The Matchup: Packers vs. Falcons

The NFC Championship Game pits the Atlanta Falcons against the Green Bay Packers for the rare chance to play a meaningful game in Houston. Onion Sports breaks down what each team must do to win.

Black Man Out Of Work

WASHINGTON—Joining the ranks of the unemployed at a time when joblessness remains stubbornly high among African Americans, 55-year-old local black man Barack Obama has lost the full-time job he has held for the past eight years, sources confirmed Friday.

Departing Obama Tearfully Shoos Away Loyal Drone Following Him Out Of White House

‘Go On Now, Git,’ Says Former President

WASHINGTON—Stopping and turning around as he made his way across the South Lawn after hearing the unmanned aerial vehicle hovering just feet behind him, outgoing President Barack Obama tearfully shooed away a loyal MQ-9 Reaper drone attempting to follow him out of the White House, sources confirmed Friday.
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Ancient Giant Camel Found In Arctic

The remains of large 2,000-pound camels, which lived 3.5 million years ago, were recently unearthed from the Canadian arctic tundra, revealing that their modern desert-dwelling descendants first developed in a far colder environment. What do you think?

  • “What are you, some sort of camel freak? Get away from me.”

    Kimberly Sanca Health Club Manager
  • “Things were just better back then."

    Duane Dobbin Kiln Operator
  • “Whoa! Wait ’til Twitter hears about this!”

    Charles Turpen Automobile Detailer

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