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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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Ancient Giant Camel Found In Arctic

The remains of large 2,000-pound camels, which lived 3.5 million years ago, were recently unearthed from the Canadian arctic tundra, revealing that their modern desert-dwelling descendants first developed in a far colder environment. What do you think?

  • “What are you, some sort of camel freak? Get away from me.”

    Kimberly Sanca Health Club Manager
  • “Things were just better back then."

    Duane Dobbin Kiln Operator
  • “Whoa! Wait ’til Twitter hears about this!”

    Charles Turpen Automobile Detailer

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