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Woman Conducting Ongoing Scientific Experiment On Own Skin

DULUTH, MN—Noting her methodic applications of various chemical agents in carefully controlled combinations, sources confirmed Wednesday that local woman Sara Holloway has been carrying out an open-ended scientific experiment on her own skin.

Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.
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Android Phones May Be Harvesting Data

A developer discovered a hard-to-detect bit of software on Android phones that tracks your location, phone calls, and text messages, and report them back to its maker. What do you think?

  • “What a relief! Now I can stop writing down detailed accounts of my day to send to my phone company.”

    Lawrence Kinney Systems Analyst
  • “Oh, great. When the network gains consciousness, it’s going to have atrocious grammar.”

    Sandy Nielsen Hide Puller
  • “I see nothing that could go wrong and lead to a dystopian society here! Doo doo doo. Off to work!”

    Arthur Johnson Sand Tester
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