Angels Among Us?

Top Headlines

Recent News

Cake Just Sitting There

Take It

CHICAGO—Assuring you that there was nothing to worry about and not a soul around who would see you, sources confirmed Tuesday that a large piece of chocolate cake was just sitting there and that you should go ahead and take it.

Where Your Political Donation Goes

With over $1 billion spent in the 2016 presidential race alone, campaign donations continue to cause much controversy and even confusion for their role in shaping politics. Here is a step-by-step guide to how the average American’s political donation travels through a campaign

Roommate Skulking Around Edge Of Party Like Victorian Ghost Child

SEATTLE—Appearing initially in the far corner of the living room and then several minutes later on the threshold between the kitchen and the hallway, local roommate Kelsey Stahl was, by multiple accounts, seen skulking around the edge of a house party Friday like a Victorian ghost child.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

Angels Among Us?

A recent poll revealed that 63 percent of Americans believe in the existence of angels. What do you think?
  • "I was touched by an angel—last Saturday, on CBS."

    Otto Montville Podiatrist
  • "I believed in angels until I met Mother Teresa—what a bitch."

    Shannon Colavito Tax Attorney
  • "I believe my mother to be an angel. A perfect angel. I even stapled a little halo onto her head. I keep her in my basement."

    Cory Hooper Coal Miner
  • "My grandpa is an angel now, and he watches over my sister and brothers and me. Hi, my name is Jeffy, of Family Circus fame, and my creator, Bil Keane, is bat-shit insane."

    Alan Dwyer Meteorologist
  • "Innocent schoolgirl by day, high-priced hooker by night... How could you not believe in Angel?"

    Jim Tatum Tuba Player
  • "I thought I saw an angel once, but it was just my husband in a druid's cloak masturbating to organ music."

    Kathleen Foli Systems Analyst


Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close