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Breaking: ACLU Hard As A Fucking Rock Right Now

NEW YORK—In response to President Trump’s declaration that transgendered Americans would no longer be permitted to serve in the military, the ACLU announced Wednesday that it was hard as a fucking rock right now.

Voter Fraud: Myth Vs. Fact

Concerns over fraudulent voting have grown since the 2016 election, with President Trump himself claiming that millions of people voted illegally. The Onion debunks some common myths about voter fraud.

Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.
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Ann Romney To Guest Host 'Good Morning America'

Ann Romney, the wife of Republican presidential nominee Mitt Romney, will serve as a guest host of Good Morning America Wednesday alongside George Stephanopoulos. What do you think?

  • “This seems like another cynical attempt to milk the unstoppable Romney ratings machine.”

    Shelley Leach Sealant Mixer
  • “I hope she remembers to plug her husband’s campaign.”

    Giovanni Soriano Research Nutritionist
  • “Big deal. Michelle Obama gets to live in the White House.”

    Bryan Beacham Vacuum Pan Operator

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