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Keys To The Matchup: Packers vs. Falcons

The NFC Championship Game pits the Atlanta Falcons against the Green Bay Packers for the rare chance to play a meaningful game in Houston. Onion Sports breaks down what each team must do to win.

Black Man Out Of Work

WASHINGTON—Joining the ranks of the unemployed at a time when joblessness remains stubbornly high among African Americans, 55-year-old local black man Barack Obama has lost the full-time job he has held for the past eight years, sources confirmed Friday.

Departing Obama Tearfully Shoos Away Loyal Drone Following Him Out Of White House

‘Go On Now, Git,’ Says Former President

WASHINGTON—Stopping and turning around as he made his way across the South Lawn after hearing the unmanned aerial vehicle hovering just feet behind him, outgoing President Barack Obama tearfully shooed away a loyal MQ-9 Reaper drone attempting to follow him out of the White House, sources confirmed Friday.
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Annan Criticizes Bush

Former UN Secretary General Kofi Annan used his farewell address to criticize the Bush Administration for turning its back on human rights and abandoning American principles. What do you think?
  • "He's being a little harsh. We were never that principled to begin with."

    Irwin Green Actuary
  • "That's weird. The UN has a male secretary? So progressive!"

    Diane Hilliard Piano Teacher
  • "It's too bad only Luxembourg and St. Lucia were there to hear his speech."

    Stanley Goines Asphalt Layer

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