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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 31, 2017

Aries: They say there’s nothing quite like the bond between a mother and her child, but then they have yet to see your experimental new adhesive compound. Taurus: The stars, in their infinite wisdom, recommend that you check yourself this week, as not doing so might lead you to wreck yourself in the future.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 24, 2017

Aquarius No offense, but when got into this business, dealing with empty and meaningless futures like yours sure as hell wasn’t what it had in mind. Pisces Though you’ve been told that dressing up once in a while wouldn’t kill you, the coroner’s report this week will contain evidence to the contrary.
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'Annie' Ends Print Run

On Sunday, after 86 years in print, comics page mainstay Annie—a strip about a little redheaded orphan and her dog Sandy—ran in newspapers for the last time. What do you think?

  • "To be published for 86 years and read for 11 is an accomplishment to be proud of."

    Ken Smith Boiler Operator
  • "I just hope they don't pull the weather section anytime soon. If the newspaper is missing not only Annie, but also the weather, I will have no reason to read the newspaper."

    Ian Seamans Unemployed
  • "Doesn't Daddy Warbucks own the Tribune? That fucker."

    Deborah Halter Knee Bolter
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Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

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